Lucian Rune Smith was born early Saturday morning, December 3,
2016, at 3:38AM to his expecting parents Heather R Smith, Zak L Smith, and
older brother Torleif. He weighed 8 lbs,
0 oz, and was 21” long, was latched on and nursing a little over a half hour
after birth. He had thick, dark, curly
brown hair and dark blue eyes at birth.
Posterior facing, umbilical cord around his neck, his birth proved quite
the experience. This is his birth story.
Background
Let me start off by
saying my husband and I are madly in-love with our firstborn and had no
intention of having another child. Our
thoughts on this were the importance of negative population growth in response
to the staggering overpopulation of the planet by humans and the devastating
effects they have on the planet. That
said, our beloved firstborn made it pretty clear that he would prefer to have a
sibling, the more we thought about it, the more we too wanted him to have a
sibling. Then we met the newborn of dear
friends of ours, looked at each other, and just new, for us, we wanted another
child to be part of our family.
Then, in November of
2015 I awoke in the early morning hours.
I sleepily looked over at my beloved almost three year old son sleeping
so peacefully beside me, and then lovingly over at my husband. Curled up beside my husband’s face, on the
pillow, was a wee tiny baby shadow person, so peaceful and content. A few days later all standing around our kitchen
island, working on making breakfast together, there was the shadow person
again, this time a little boy. Later
that night I told my husband I thought it was time to plan for and call into
being our other child, they are ready and asking to be brought into being. Our beloved son had been asking for a sibling
and we had talked about it on a few separate occasions. What research we did indicated that when your
last child is between 3-5 years of age is the ideal time to have the next
child, if you’re having another one. The
reasons have to do with recovery and health of the Mom as well as the
developmental phase of the older child.
With our first child we planned his birth off astrological compatibility
with both of us. Going back to the
charts, we timed this child similarly.
An Aquarius and a Sagittarius ought to be lifelong friends and get along
well enough with both parents as well.
Tracking my own cycles along with optimal times to try to conceive a
Sagittarius child, we conceived Lucian March 4th, 2016.
Pregnancy
My pregnancy with
Lucian went much the way my pregnancy with Torleif did, with one difference
being that Lucian was notably very active the entire pregnancy. I gained about ten pounds in the first
trimester, eating and needing to sleep midday.
I otherwise felt great as long as I kept up on my water intake. In June I broke my leg, getting run into by a
sheep of all things. This resulted in my
having an epidural assisted surgery to plate both my tibia and fibula and
subsequently having to stay off my feet for a good portion of the second
trimester in order to heal. I’ve written
elsewhere about this surgery experience.
Here, in short, having an epidural was a new experience for me and led
me to greater insight as to what women might experience during childbirth
having had an epidural. I was unable to
feel anything from my lower waist down and despite my extreme efforts to I was
unable to move at all, not even a tiny toe twitch, no movement. I was fortunate that I got to be awake and my
surgery team was willing to share pictures and continue a conversation about
what was happening throughout. At one
point my surgeon commented how unusual, and wonderful, a patient I was, that
most people don’t want to know anything, see anything, or feel anything. I thought that was a really sad, unfortunate,
and seriously dis-empowering way to go about life. My thoughts through this entire surgery
experience were that this was about the worst way I could imagine to try to
bring a child out. Also how sad that so
many women went through labor and birthing dis-empowered this way, unable to
feel and actively participate in their child’s birth. Furthermore my thoughts went to curiosity
about our entire western civilization more oft’ than not entering the world
this way, from a place of fear, fear of pain, and attempts to not know, see, or
feel. I wonder if Mom being covered up,
on her back, a shot to numb, only to be whisked away, cleaned up, all evidence
of our mammalian connection to The Life-force we all share, we all must pass
through to exist, at least partially contributes to our current exterior
looking, wounded selves reality. So much
of the way we each go through life I suspect has some to do with how we were
brought into being, some to do with how we are raised after that, some to do
with genetics, and some to do with our own choices and perceptions throughout.
Prior to the epidural,
despite repeatedly being told I was free and able to, once the I.V. needle went
into my hand I felt seriously inhibited from walking or moving in any way,
despite having to go to the restroom, it took a lot of self-talk and
encouragement from my husband and the nurse to go do so. My pelvis got out of alignment during this
time as well, for which I sought chiropractic as well as craniosacral treatment
to try to help my body reach the most optimal physicality I could pre-birthing.
Prior to conceiving we
talked with Torleif at length about what a new sibling might mean for the
family, how it might change things.
Torleif was eager for the experience.
Throughout the entire pregnancy we included Torleif in discussions, he
attended all of the midwife appointments, the one ultra-sound we had, and we
spoke to Torleif about "Our Baby", the family's baby, including him
in conversations about Baby, about the pregnancy. We read about his sibling each week, about
Lucian's development week by week. We
should Torleif pictures of his own birth and time following birth, talking
about how he ate, slept, cried, needed his diaper changed, how helpless he
was. We were as inclusive of Torleif in
the entire experience as we could think to be.
At times I grieved for what I knew would be the loss of the special
connection Torleif and I shared. I chose
to continue nursing him throughout the pregnancy, even though at times my
nipples were very sore and I considered ceasing the nursing. I was loath to give this up any sooner than I
had to though, those moments curled into each other while he nursed and I read
to him or just held him, I wasn't ready to stop having those. I think it is a very real and valid
consideration how having a second child will effect your relationship with your
first born. In retrospect I am glad I
went about it this way. Now I am getting
to experience tandem nursing with Torleif and Lucian, I wonder if this too is
helping Torleif with transitioning to being a big brother, and me to including
this other wee bity human into our family.
My relationship with Torleif has shifted, we still get special
one-on-one binding cuddle time too though.
So thankful to get to have both, a close, caring relationship with both
of my children complete with special on-on-one cuddle, nurse, and bonding time.
The third trimester I
found to be a whirlwind of activity as I attempted to get through my pre-Baby
birth To-Do list. I was very active most
of the day doing things like working on a new horse fence, trimming the horse
herd’s hooves, deep cleaning the entire house, renovating a bathroom, cleaning
out the cars, and generally getting our shared living space physically and
emotionally cleaned and organized in preparation of baby’s arrival. I am eternally thankful to my husband and
father-in-law for their countless hours, unwavering support, and hard work,
often putting their own projects on hold to help me get through what I felt
needed to get done prior to Lucian's arrival.
I could not, sanely, or otherwise, have accomplished anywhere near as
much without them. Thankful too for all
of their love, support, and intentional engagement with Torleif throughout the
pregnancy, during labor, and once Lucian was born, I am sure this has helped
and continues to help Torleif transition into his new role in the family as a
big brother.
Laboring
My Mom flew in to
attend Lucian’s birth November 18th. I
decided to have the same midwife who attended Torleif’s birth attend Lucian’s
as well. Again I opted for a home
birth. Having served as doula/midwife
for so many creatures over the years, I know, for me, that the place I feel
safest is at home. There’s no MRSA, I
feel safe and comfortable in my nest, my familiar surroundings, and also have
the antibodies built for this environment, not for any other. My Husband and my Mom were to be my birthing
team, along with my Father-in-law there for Torleif. Lucian was due November 25, 2016. That date came and went. I barefoot trim all of my horses, so on the
29th I trimmed all of the horses’ hooves again so they’d be very current for a
while post-birth. I felt great doing so
with no ill effect. I found myself
consciously thinking, having given birth once before, that this time while I
was very much looking forward to meeting my child, I was also specifically
looking forward to actually giving birth, to the experience of birthing my
child. What an unusual and wonderful
realization!
Earlier in the day on
Thursday, December 1st, I had another midwife appointment. Lucian’s heartbeat was strong, in the 130s and
based on my belly measurement going down a centimeter, had moved down getting
into birthing position. My cervix had
shortened about half way and I was dilated about 2cm. My Mom made pumpkin pies later that day,
which were a terrific early laboring food. Near 10:30PM I started having some
intense contractions that lasted about a minute and were spaced every 3-5
minutes, these lasted about an hour.
About the time I was going to call the midwife these contractions eased
up, going to 10 – 15 minutes apart and only lasting about 20-30 seconds. These would continue like this for hours,
before another intense hour of much stronger and closer spaced contractions. As I lay down to try and sleep I found myself
talking to Lucian, saying how much we loved him, hoped his birth into this
space was as graceful and un-traumatic as possible. Also that we were very much looking forward
to meeting him soon. My father-in-law came over on Friday and basically stayed
through Sunday evening, spending time with Torleif, making sure he was cared
for, had some idea as to what might be going on, and had someone to play with
while I was laboring. This left Zak and
my Mom free to care for me when I needed them to, as well as giving me peace of
mind that my beloved son could be present or not for the birth of his little
brother, but that he would be ok and have someone specifically there with him
should things become too intense.
I was so sure by the
morning of the 2nd that “today’s got to be the day!” About 1 in the morning I felt a distinct
lightening in my abdomen, intense contractions continued on and off throughout
the night. Lucian had hiccoughs periodically
and continued his customary fairly high activity level. I had a great breakfast, then took my Border
Collie outside and worked with our sheep.
On my way back inside I visited with the mare band (we have 8 American
Curly Horse mares and two stallions).
They came over to say hello, sniffing my belly and just standing quietly
with me. Then three of them, Eir,
Sonora, and Ravyn, took off galloping, leaping into the air, and all around
giving me a tremendously powerful performance.
All the while Lyra, Rogue, and intermittently Xandra and Rora came and
stood between me and the dancing youngsters.
We then all had a quiet cuddle/grooming moment before I headed back
inside. I worked on a few final pre-Baby
things, ate a nutrient and energy dense lunch, and then headed back out in the
blustery afternoon to take a walk down our half mile long dirt driveway. I did a little fence repair on my way and
sang a song. It went something like:
Lucian,
Lucian
Little light centaur
Time to work out your
position
We’re ready to meet
you.
Lucian, Lucian
Little light centaur
It’s safe to come out
now
We’re eager to meet
you.
changing subtly between
verses. When I got back I took a warm
shower after which I had a great connecting conversation with my husband. We took some final pregnancy photos and then
had some dinner. About 8:30PM my husband
and I went back to our room to see if some sexing would get things going
better, it was epic! My cervix was very
close and Lucian’s head was close and felt big.
Contractions started up again about 9, one of them led me to feel the
urge to push some, and at that time I called the midwife to let her know what
all had been happening. I laid down to
rest after that, my husband massaged my belly and still healing broken
leg. A bit after that my husband filled
the birthing pool. Torleif joined me in
the pool to play a bit and swim. At one
point an intense contraction gripped me and Torleif put his hands on my lower
back and began massaging me. When the
contraction had subsided Torleif said “that was an intense one for you Momma,
huh?” After that he opted to go play
with his Grandpa until he fell asleep a bit past midnight. Through much of this I made sure to drink
lots of water, coconut water, and smoothie so I would be able to stay strong
and well through birthing.
Birth
About 10:30PM the
midwife arrived with her assistant and all of their many cases of things for
birth assistance. I continued to labor
in the pool, which I highly recommend.
The water seemed to equalize some of the pressure as well as take some
of the weight off my broken leg. At one
point I got out of the pool and did lunge/squats up and down the stairs. I then laid down to rest, also trying a side
lying position to help Lucian if he was trying to turn a little more. I lay on my left side, right leg up on three
pillows, and belly slightly rotated down to add some pressure to turn. My husband lay behind me, resting alongside
me, massaging my lower back or just adding pressure as I needed. At one point he jolted awake and later shared
that his heart beat had started accelerating and he felt awash with anxiety,
just before my breathing changed as another contraction came on. He was so empathetic, in-tune, and
supportive. Frequently adding words of
encouragement and reminders on opening up with breath deep into my pelvis. At one point I said to Lucian “it’s time to
come out now, you’re wearing your Momma out”.
Shortly after that, about 3AM my breathing shifted at which point the
midwife and her assistant sprang into action.
They said if I wanted to get into another position or into the pool, now
would be a good time. I opted to stay in
the bed, kneeling, but very upright with my upper body. It still took me a moment to realize this was
it, it was get baby out time. I could
feel bone on bone. My Mom kept putting
cool wash clothes on me, which felt wonderful, on my forehead, along my back,
and on my shoulders. Everyone present
kept telling me how strong I was, how powerful my breathing was, and what an
incredible job I was doing. The sound
emanating from my body as I opened up to bring my baby out sounded like a deep
chant combined with a drawn out agonized yell or scream. With each contraction starting high and
rolling, like a great building wave, down through my pelvis I made a series of
these sounds. I imagined I was filling
my pelvis with this sound, helping it to open and allow my child out. At another point as a contraction rolled
through me, coming to an end I was able to call up another sound emittance to
“ride the wave” and give one more surging push with that contraction before it
was gone. That felt incredibly
powerful. This part of labor was
incredibly intense, contractions were coming about every two minutes. Zak offered some pressure against my perineum
just before the midwife said I could reach back to feel Lucian’s head
crowning. The next wave of contractions
the midwife was saying “whoa, slow down, you need to ease up” as Lucian’s head
came out followed immediately by the rest of his body, so slippery, rapidly
falling into my hands, before I awkwardly brought him up to my chest, shifting,
turning, and laying down before cuddling him to my chest and exclaiming “oh,
Baby, my Baby, you’re finally out”. He’d
had the cord around his neck and possibly as a result came out fully posterior
facing or “sunny side up”, it was such a surprise to catch him looking up at
me, not what I was expecting. Lucian was
born at 3:38AM on December 3, 2016. He
cried out immediately upon being born and has pretty much been quiet and content
ever since. He was latched on nursing
well a little over a half hour after birth.
He weighed 8lbs, 0 oz (same as Torleif when he was born) and was 21”
long. Thick, dark, curly hair covered
his head and very dark blue eyes peered out from his considerate face. Torleif joined his brother to nurse a few
hours later, when he finally awoke. I
had one tiny tear throughout. Active
labor was about 6 hours. The midwife
exclaimed how powerful I was and how there’d been no indication throughout that
Lucian was posterior facing. She went on
to say that most Mommas take a lot longer and it’s a lot more painful,
typically, with a posterior facing baby, incredible the power of no fear and
being able to relax and open up.
Postpartum
While Baby Blues is a
very real thing most (all?) mothers experience
postpartum (especially the third to fifth days following as hormones are
fluctuating so much) I only had one emotionally upset moment the third night,
quickly quelled. Otherwise lots of happy
basking, gazing at this wondrous new being we made and brought into being. From the very first night Lucian slept a good
five hours, awoke for a diaper change (although we used small swaddle blankets,
no diapers until his regular poo and more frequent pee came in the third day)
and to nurse, before going back to sleep for another couple of hours. I am sure feeling well rested and supported
from the very beginning helped my spirits to stay strong. I had Mother Love nipple cream on hand,
highly recommend it. I suspect since I
was still nursing Torleif, my nipples were still well conditioned to being
nursed, so I didn't need it at all. I
also had a couple of different bum balms on hand, didn't need any of them
either. I did read about and opt for
encapsulating my placenta. Kept it clean
and cold the first night. Then chopped
it into a lot of tiny pieces and dried it on a cookie sheet in the oven, on the
dehydrate setting, temp 115F for about 24 hours. Once it was dry (broke apart easily and was
fully dry inside the thickest pieces)I ground it into course powder, and
finally put it all into capsules.
Certainly gives a bit more energy.
Reading about consuming the placenta, there's a lot of information about
it helping to bring in your milk, get your uterus back into shape, even
emotions and hormones, as well as boosting energy. I also opted to do sitz baths this time
around. I'm taking them in my bathtub,
very relaxing. Sitz baths help to aid in
cleaning and recovering your perineum along with all other tissue damaged during
delivery. I have found them to be
relaxing and every little sore spot from birthing feels better with them. Highly recommend them.
The midwife returned
two days later, Lucian is super healthy, looking great! The midwife wanted to know where my belly had
gone, looking pretty near pre-pregnancy form.
No stretch marks, fundis quickly returning to where it should be. I felt fantastic, like Superwoman, expansive,
immensely powerful, and just radiant in all the power coursing through me. My milk came in around 48 hours after birth
and I found I was producing more milk than Lucian and Torleif combined could
possibly drink. That answered for me
what became of a wet nurse’s babe, plenty enough for multiple mouths, as long
as Momma is getting plenty of good, rich, fatty foods, which I was. Planning to freeze and possibly donate milk
for future use and for other babies who need more.
My own Mom stayed ‘till
the 12th and was such a tremendous boon to our little family. She worked on cooking and baking projects,
laundry the first few days, helped with stock chores, was emotionally uplifting
and supportive, and played a lot with Torleif, which was fantastic for
him. She greatly helped our entire
family with early transitioning to our new life with baby.
My sincere hope is for
other Mommas to feel confident, supported, well-tended, and empowered to bring
their babies into the world confidently.
I would love to see child bearing approached from a place of courage,
bravery, fully empowered women confidently bringing their babies into this World,
fully embraced and supported by their partners, their women folk, and their
midwives. I believe this would lead to
more loving, supportive of other life, confident, and self-accepting future
generations.
